Wow. Really......wow.

To the person who made the phone call from an unlisted number and said "I'm reading directly off livejournal you whore" then proceeded to read a bunch of stuff, thanks. Atleast I know what everyone really thinks of me. Call it karma or whatever but I know now what you all think. Atleast I know where I stand now and I don't have to worry about it anymore.

Sweet? Sweet.

Happy Birthday snr0n

So dissapointed.

All I wanted to do was make one post saying what I wanted to say but it turned bad already. One friggin' post people!

Yes it was uncalled for. I don't think I said anything highly offensive and I was going to be tactful.

I don't know if I should shut my lj and make a new one or just make it friends only and edit the list.




Absolutly flabbergasted because all it took was one post. I never meant to slurr at anyone. I was talking about things that happened and why they happened.

Fuck lj. Fuck drama. Just FUCK in general

*sucks in deep breath*

Getting your tits out at every opportunity does not make you cool. It makes you cheap. Same goes for sperading 'em for every Tom, Draco and Harry. Keep yourself nice and have some self respect. No-one wants to see your underwear. Men will not like you more. Well they will because you're easy not because they like you for you. Put it away love. I'm embarassed for you more than anyone. Throwing yourself at boys this way only makes you look desperate and tray. Not something I think the guys worth keeping look for in a girl.

Arn't you cold? If you're comfy and confident fine but be aware of what message you're sending to people. They will judge you by what they see. There's a diffrence between sexy and slutty. I think you're way beyond the line. That's not a skirt, it's a belt. Simmilarly fyi, if you're not a size 10 don't squeeze into size 10 pants. Suck it up and wear the right size because you're only embarassing yourself and I'll bet you any money you'll feel better because you're not uncomfortable. I know, I've done it, it's not fun or cute.



For the love of GOD people don't read it as personal slurr. That's not what it is. It's just me getting some stuff off my chest. Save the drama for yo' mamma. Drama llamas will be banned. You can disagree without name calling and finger pointing. If I can do it being the firey tempered, irrational shit I am so can you.

I would have written this sooner but I was napping.

*sigh*

I had a thought this afternoon. I was drifting off to sleep and I began thinking about lj, my friends list and how much I want to say alot of things but I don't. I began to think of when I started to do it. I'm deathly afraid of conflict. I don't like it when people attack me over what I've said and I'm hypersensitive about it so I chicken out. What other people think shouldn't matter but it does to me because I want people to like me.

To that ends I could just make private posts but that's not enough. I want to be able to say things where people can see them and hear what I just said. I also believe that people have the right of reply so disabling comments to me seems unfair because people should be able to speak their peice. However due to past hurts, I really don't cope well in situations where I see think I'm being attacked. I also am afraid of being flamed on lj. Being attacked by an anonymous person with no real right of reply or person to stand behind the claim. This is why I NEVER will anonymously hassle someone/flame them. If you have something to say to someone you have to be able to say it to their face if they confront you. Just like an essay, if you say it you need to be able to stand behind what you say.

Oh God I'm giving away all my secrets *sigh*

Don't worry I can hear some of you. "What? this is the girl that punched in the face!" and "Huh? She abused jebila at The Lucky for no reason other than she was near Blayne". Still the same person. I generally only do that kinda stuff when I feel threatened or seriously ticked off. Yes, okay I admitted it I felt threatened but don't flatter yourself I'm over it. I have to say though I'd do it again for completely different reasons. Mainly because I'm a bitch, and secondly I like to know where I stand with people. If you don't like me I'd rather know because it save people being two faced. They're all "oh hi Honey how are you?" then you walk away and three nights later over wine with friends that person is saying "my God she's a bitch". If I have no friends, or I was misslead bout who my friends really are I'd rather know about it up front. Same with other people. If I really don't like you, you'll know about it. I generally wont be rude but you'll know. If I am rude it'll be because you crossed a line that for me is unforgivable or morally abhorrant. Oooh I'm breakin' out the big words.

Before you say in that self righteous and sing song voice (don't take the piss I'm being serious for once) "only insecure people lash out" you're right. Insecure people lash out but so do bitter people, angry peope, frustrated people and so do hurt people. I'm one, none, or all of these on any given day at any given time. I shouldn't have to apologise for that.

That's the other thing. I'm a cow. If I have something to say I'll say it. I'll put it gently the first time but if I think you need to hear it again I'll be a little more straight forward about it if I thik you can take it. However that being said I don't think I should be able to be like that and not expect the same from other people. Then again there is a difference between being honest and straight forward, and being an outright jerk. Being straight forward is okay but using it as a licence to be a fuckwad is not on. To my knowledge I've never been a fuckwad, honest but never crossing the line.

So what does this have to do with your friends list you rambling moron I hear you ask. Everything and nothing. I don't like the idea of having people on my friends list I have to pussy foot around with as not to get someone off side. I'm not talking about really extreme views on religion, sexuality blah blah blah. I'm talking about everyday stuff that I don't agree with that I KNOW will cause a bad reaction. I could filter it but why filter if you can't say it to everyone. I could cut those people from my f-list but I don't like the idea of cutting people. I don't know why I think it'd matter in the broad scheme of things, or why people would be hurt by it but to me it matters.

Fuck, now I'm rambling again. I don't know if you guys know what I'm saying but I do. If it makes sense I'm glad but if not then when I post tomorrow or the next day or the next day when I stop editing for niceness it may be a shock or you could be offended.

Mainly all I'm trying to say is my journal is

my

journal and I shouldn't have to change it one bit for anyone else. If you don't like what I do with it de-friend me. Don't give a fuck just don't expect me to be someone I'm not so I fit in to what you want your friends to be. I've edited myself so long for some people that I'm over it. You like me for me or you get bent.

Fuck, that was harsher than I meant it to be. You know what I mean. You do understand what I'm telling you guys right?

Sometimes when people tell me not to do a particular thing I have the desperate overwhelming urge to do it. I can't work out wether it's because I'm a pain in the ass, I like annoying people or I like bucking the system. Hehehehe

I'm now desperatly fighting the urge to break the rules. Not winning but trying hard.

Just finished Seven Ancient Wonders

OH MY GOD

one of my favorite books now. After this no-one will EVER pick on Australia ever again or we will fuck you up. You have been warned.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHG


SO GOOD

Work is a bit less painful since we're over the computer learning (eLearns). Talking about alot of the codes for the computer, what they mean, testing and other stuff. It's all pretty interesting. Also found out what team I'm in and met my team leader which was pretty cool.

One of the other trainees I'm going to kill. He's an expert in absolutly everything. He's had near misses in cars, talks about computers and games like he's a pro and confusing the girls. Hell, with the little knowledge of computer games that I have I managed to quietly and in a non purposeful way made him look like a tool. Wanking on about parallels between Bladerunner and American commercialism because he did it in the HSC. You can tell when he talks it's because he thinks you'll be impressed by what he says. Let me tell you sonny I'm not impressed and you're a dick. I will kill him if he keeps on with it. Heck I know heaps of stuff but I don't go waving it at you like I'm God.

I found out that a girl in my training class Josie went to school with Blayne, Frans, Teegs and Sarah.

On a different note......OMG the people on Dr Phil are fucked. This couple have been married less than 3 months and he's yelling at her because she can't make a sandwich right. Shefolds the meat wrong on his sandwich. OH NOES!!!!1

Stuff I've Done off my 101 things that are actually 79.
1. Buy Marie Claire.
5. Read Seven Ancient Wonders - gimme a couple of days and I'll be finished
19. Get some form of house cooling device - mum gave us 3 fans she had laying around the house.
20. Truthfully edit my iPod song list
45. Make one post saying exactly what I think about an issue and bugger the concequences
49. Write my sister a letter
72. Find whatever it is that's making that wierd smell - it was old tuna. It smelt BAAAAAD

Now for a nap.

I started reading Seven Ancient Wonders last night and was dissapointed. I thought Matt Rielly had let me down with the way he started with the book but the second chapter MY GOD he came through for me. His usual brand of OMG! WTF! YOU CAN'T DO THAT. OH SHIT HE JUST DID! ARGH PARATROOPERS AND INSANLY COOL SELF SACRIFICING HERO. OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE FROM THE COOL.

No Schofield but what you gonna do?

Robbie Williams is cool. Just plain cool. To think he started in some crap boy band. God love him

I don't want to have another early start tomorrow. I'll suck it up though because payday is Wednsday and brunch and shopping with palamico on the weekend. If early starts mean I can shop then I'm there.